Posts Tagged guide
Slippery Ladies
Oct 5
Understanding Engineers
Aug 19
Understanding Engineers – 1 Two engineering students crossing the campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?”
The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”
The first engineer nodded approvingly, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t fit.”
Understanding Engineers – 2
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers -3
Q: What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
A: Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers – 4
Normal people believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers – 5
An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over,picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you and do anything that pleases you.” Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess and that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything to please you.” Why won’t you kiss me?” The engineer said, “Look, I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that’s cool.”
Family Planning
Aug 13
Justice
Aug 3
We’ve all been there but don’t like to admit it. We’ve all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something a brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those of you who hate pooping at work as much as I do, I give you the…
Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work
Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.
Read the rest of this entry »
Bar Behavior Guide
Jun 1
|
SYMPTON |
FAULT |
ACTION |
|
Feet cold and wet. |
Glass being held at incorrect angle. |
Rotate glass so that open end points to ceiling. |
|
Feet warm and wet. |
Improper bladder control. |
Stand next to nearest dog. Complain about house training. |
|
Drink unusually pale and tasteless. |
Glass empty. |
Get someone to buy you another drink. |
|
Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. |
You have fallen over backward. |
Have yourself lashed to the bar. |
|
Beer tasteless. Front of shirt is wet. |
Mouth not open or glass applied to wrong part of face. |
Retire to restroom. Practice in front of mirror. |
|
Floor blurred. |
You are looking through bottom of empty glass. |
Get someone to buy you another beer. |
|
Floor moving. |
You are being carried out. |
Find out if you are being taken to another bar. |
|
Room seems unusually dark. |
Bar has closed. |
Confirm home address with bartender. |
|
Room seems unusually dark. |
Bar has closed. |
Confirm home address with bartender. |
|
Everyone looks up to you and smiles. |
You are dancing on the table. |
Fall on someone cushy-looking. |
|
Beer is crystal-clear. |
It’s water. Your friends are trying to sober you up. |
Find a new set of friends. |
|
Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear. |
You have been in a fight. |
Not knowing who you fought with, apologize to everyone. |
|
Don’t recognize anyone. Don’t recognize the room. |
You’ve wandered into the wrong party. |
See if they have free beer. |
|
Your singing sounds distorted. |
The beer is too weak. |
Drink more until your voice improves. |
HOPE THIS HELPED!
